| no matter where you go, there you are / take me, take me back to yr bed |
[08 Nov 2011|08:51pm] |
|
i have to have you. i want to throw my hands in the air and kick and scream and push and yell and everything else inbetween.
|
|
| got plenty room if you think you wanna roll, see this is what they made cadillac trucks for |
[24 Sep 2011|09:19pm] |
|
crocodile tears arent a good look on you. next time you wanna play the victim, replay the events in your head and think again.
|
|
| dont act like i never told you / when things get bad enough, the kitten will kill the lion |
[19 Sep 2011|07:22pm] |
|
the beauty and tranquility and unloneliness and contentment and wonder of standing in the middle of a thunderstorm. thank you for showing me everything you have. my curiosity to cross off every tiny thing on lifes long list of simplicity and granduer have left scars on my arms, hands, back, legs, feet. my warrior wounds. all because you have encouraged me to be an explorer of lifes small treasures. you have taught me so much about what it means to be alive. i am forever in your debt.
|
|
| you boys best respect it or itll get hectic / to all the ladies in the place with style and grace |
[08 Aug 2011|04:38pm] |
|
i find myself trying to micro-manage situations i have zero control over
|
|
| you know the rules, kill 'em all and keep moving / the rooms too cold but youre so hot |
[20 Jun 2011|04:00am] |
|
the rooms too hot but youre so cold. and once again youre repeating scenarios from months and weeks before. when will you learn.
|
|
| people youve been before who you dont want around anymore / do what i say and ill make you okay |
[05 May 2011|02:11pm] |
|
i have a dream which appears to be me, her, him and a bunch of other people having a sleepover and me and her keep getting into it and he wants me to be civil but i cant be because theyre sleeping next to each other and i just become apathetic about the entire situation and start to bake cupcakes with my friends. but you have to remind yourself that this is only a dream.
|
|
| you dont know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice |
[25 Mar 2011|12:52am] |
All this time I was wasting,
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again,
But not this time around
You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no oh
Looking so innocent,
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before
But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no, oh
You're not sorry no no oh
You had me crawling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade
So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no oh
You're not sorry, no no oh
|
|
| ive got a girl problem, ive got a drug problem and i dont wanna solve them |
[05 Mar 2011|04:23am] |
|
i just want to cry so hard right now and put my fist through a wall but i cant. i feel like im running in circles.
|
|
| if you wanna join the yacht club you gotta get your stocks up / you dont care a bit |
[23 Feb 2011|05:03am] |
|
i suppose i am more curious to peoples reactions- to make them understand you dont know what you have until its gone, for good. tomorrow i will feel differently about this disease in my head. i miss you but you dont miss me.
|
|
| excuse me while i fall apart, dont flatter yourself sweetheart / baby bathing in her blues |
[12 Feb 2011|02:43am] |
|
just keep those excuses coming. because those parties look like theyve been keeping you real busy.
|
|
| its a small crime and ive got no excuse / nothing compares to you |
[15 Dec 2010|03:41am] |
|
nothing lasts forever no matter how many times you trick yourself into believing it. and im afraid were only tricking ourselves at this point. what happens when you love someone but feel like you dont really know them. what happens when they ignore your phone call but have no problem texting you to apologize. what happens if this really does last forever. and im not talking about love, but loneliness.
|
|
| sinking like a stone in the sea, burning like a bridge for your body / 1976 |
[01 Dec 2010|03:15am] |
|
its like that moment of intimacy you share with another person, laying in bed, talking shit about the people you see everyday and after things fall apart, you want to sell that person out for the things you talked about in private, but realizing youd be selling yourself out, too. and you realize maybe this is the only person you can discuss mutual dislikings with and it makes you sad knowing theyre sharing mutual dislikings about you with someone else.
|
|
| this place is a prison, these people arent your friends, inhaling thrills thru twenty dollar bills |
[29 Nov 2010|06:59pm] |
|
just keep pushing everyone away from you. its not like theyre actually gonna miss you but youll cry yourself to sleep because you miss them. i wish i could get to the core of what made you this way and reverse it all.
|
|
| took the game to school now im about to cap and gown it / your eyes are the size of the moon |
[18 Nov 2010|12:11am] |
|
ive been thinking about turning bad because only bad things happen to good people. also i cant wait to get under your skin again.
|
|
| why cant we live pleasantly without ever living peasantly / happy sings a sad melody |
[25 Oct 2010|02:48pm] |
|
everytime you say "sorry" to a stranger youre not guaranteed an "its okay" no matter how easy it would be for them to acknowledge your guilty conscience. maybe this heart really is too big for this world. reading about the mayan calendar and the very anticipated 2012- claiming that december 21 does not mark any doom, but rather a collective "spiritual change" throughout humanity and we should be looking forward to that date rather than dreading it. we can only hope things will improve but a global wipeout might be better. maybe the next group of this planets inhabitants will get it right this time because nobody on this planet has yet. listening to these people sitting behind me teaching the concept of digital photography to another woman- rememebering when i was sure that photography was what i wanted to do for the rest of my life. funny how everything changes. funny how you changed. or maybe you truly were always this way.
|
|
| your street is dark so shine your stars / you got me black and blue inside of you |
[14 Oct 2010|12:05am] |
the loneliness is nagging me again this morning. just skimming through events in my head like surfing channels on tv. not really stopping long enough to comprehend whats going on, just knowing that theres something worth interpreting and moving along anyway. if were all really so alone then why dont we do something about it. why is it shameful.
you even told me you dont expect me to know everything. but the truth is that i really do know everything and pretend not to because its an excuse for when i fuck up.
and if i make it to the pearly gates
ill do my best to make a drawing of god and lucifer
a boy and girl
an angel kissing on a sinner
|
|
| her words are well read but have forgotten the fight / if only you were lonely, too |
[11 Oct 2010|02:25am] |
|
if i could i would buy a memory eraser. but not in a computer kind of way. i would forget you, forget past regrets, forget people pretend to like me, forget ill never be adequate enough, forget im the saddest person i know, forget sensitivity and most importantly forget remembering everything like an elephant.
|
|
| i have to remember to remember to forget you forgot me |
[25 Sep 2010|03:30am] |
09/19/10
lets see who can win this race first. the secret to life is to give and receive but that doesnt apply to you and me. its more of a game of who can swallow their pride last and polish their ego first. we cant push this round problem into a square hole. is this what they mean? when yr entire world burns infront of yr eyes and all you can do is stand there and observe in disbelief? dont pretend you cant see this because i know you can. you created this and now youre going to finish it. letters dont get through to you but drunken voicemails do. turn everything inside out, flip it all over, theres no more tape on this side. i cant get one certain phrase out of my mind even if i tried.
09/22/10
its not like that tightness in yr stomach is ever going to leave. while you just wait around for him to tip yr world. just to spin a little bit. no matter what anyone says to me it never puts this mind at ease. im gonna dust off the answers, im gonna pull them out of you even if theyre deep in yr bones. close yr eyes and try not to remember. you cant just throw this shit away even if you wanted to. start a fire and toss all yr problems in there. you cant. and i swear id leave you alone for the rest of yr life if i knew why you chose to do all of this. there are plenty of fish in the sea but youre the only one i want to gut and dissect. youve got me losing my mind like in the older times. when the mystery was still a mystery and the package was still wrapped and the smiles and butterflies meant something. now im just left with this knot in my stomach, these clouds in my head. you let me see a part of you that not many people see and i became addicted to that. just the fucking simplicity of you. i created notions of you so grand in my head that when i saw all of the simple little things in yr life i became obsessed. going through yr mail, parking meter tickets, letting me feed yr cat, reaching for that water bottle on yr bedpost after a night of heaving drinking, setting yr alarm. and it all seemed like one huge dream i slept through. because i still couldnt believe that it was happening, that it was true. even if none of this happened i would have probably destroyed it by accident because thats how bad i wanted it. manipulation is an easy thing and all but when youre dealing with someone with an equal caliber of intelligence it becomes tricky, no? you meant something to me. history always repeats itself, especially in these circumstances. dont think you can avoid the history or the karma or anything else that comes along with things like this. but in reality its just a blur that youre going to learn from.
|
|
| heres to the nights you felt alive, heres to the tears you knew youd cry |
[24 Sep 2010|12:05am] |
09/16/10
baby bathing in her blues
the fortune was misprinted
a nightmare turning true
if we could go back in time
would i be forgiven
but seriously, some people are too stupid, too oblivious, too wrapped up in themselves to realize how fucked up everything really is. we could have been magic, baby. just you and me. we could have been a prank on the world but im not sure you quite understood. bad news, baby. master manipulator. dont think for a second i didnt catch on. those lines, those faces, this isnt my first rodeo. a damsel in distress. always bouncing back and forth between company and loneliness. i found a strange comfort in you.
are you gonna pick these battles or are these battles gonna pick you? your insincerity is showing, you should probably pack it back up. falling in love with everything just to burn it to the ground. wreck it by accident. silly girl youre too young to take this on. silly girl youre too young to understand things like this. how i never thought any of this would have happened. wasting my days away waiting for other people. just observe everything and fuck the rest. and yeah we just had sex but you still close the bathroom door when were done because its a different type of intimate. beggars cant be choosers. did you mean anything nice you ever said to/about me? drive around until you see familiar landmarks. this cant be it. baby this is what happens when you play with fire. cup my face, pull my hair, "close your eyes when you kiss me - look at me when you lie to me." what do you think about on those plane rides? flash in the pan. gasoline in the wings. the rubbing of your feet when you want something. red hot ears. "it means something else." i miss you but i miss your cat more. put everything in reverse one more time. just try not to sink to the bottom of this, loose lips indeed sink ships and i am going to practice the art of keeping my mouth shut. make sure you keep that door wide open so you can come waltzing right back in when its beneficial for you. its a lot tougher than you think, especially when youve never been this wrong about someone or something in your life. "had none of those things happened we would already be on another path." yes, because the ball is forever going to be in your court and theres nothing i can do but impatiently wait for a swing. love, baby. all these things youll never see, never know. when im laying in your bed i can hear what youre saying on the front porch. how long do you have to tread water before you either sink or swim? not even drugs could touch this depression and anxiety. theyre just temporary colors in a world of gray, or vice versa. down those beers because without them you wont have an excuse for your mistakes. keep me on a string until you decide to cut it. keep burning bridges. not like wed ever get to the other side or anything. dark blue shades of the world, of life, of you. youre quick to fall asleep because you dont want to listen to me, or see me, or deal with me. i wouldnt blame you if only i were guilty.
and once again were wrapped in trivial bullshit. survival of the fittest. who can destroy this society the fastest? im so afraid to raise a child in fear theyll feel alone when surrounded by braindead, media-obsessed peers. and yeah im curious about a lot of things but you cant kill this cat.
|
|
| we can get it poppin like a semi-automatic / just forget me, its that simple |
[01 Sep 2010|04:42am] |
|
put everything in reverse. again. one day youre gonna what you deserve. reserve these feelings for someone else. take it out on someone else. make her pay for my mistakes. make her cry herself to sleep. cry in the freezer so your tears will freeze up, you cant let anyone know youre human. chase a million different rainbows just to discover theres no gold at the end. same girls different names. youre gonna need a lot more than a pot of luck at the end of this rainbow. baby you should have known, should have done your homework, your research, should have listened to me when i told you i could probably kill someone with my own hands.
|
|